My Journey With Bodyshaming

My Journey With BodyShaming

How I Lost My Confidence?

I still remember the day,I was 8 years old when my uncle brought chocolates for me, Mars they were. It was a huge pack, about 1 kilogram or so, it was the best gift someone had ever gotten me, before I could reach out to grab the box he said, "I bought one kilogram of chocolates for you according to your size." It felt as if a storm had died done, but it was preparing for something even worse. My parents too joined in and laughed but they wouldn't understand, brown parents never do. To them everything is a joke, they laugh on your skintone, joyously call you a baby hippo, if you aren't size zero then you are a nobody, to them everything is a fucking pleasantry. I have been on more diets than I have had happy memories, I almost lost my Father to cancer in 2012, but they never asked how I was feeling. They were more concerned about me living in my Nano's house and how disrespectful it was for them. But they wouldn't understand, brown people never do. I have been called "Kali" which means black more than a trillion times, people have joked about my weight, to them I am somebody who is disposable, a chess pawn that can be knocked down but they don't understand, brown people never understand. They would say I have everything, Airpods, Adidas shoes, Ipads, everything I need, laptops and so much privilege that me writing this article would be classified as me being needy for too much attention. Have you ever given me enough in the first place? They never ask what I am studying, how I am studying or if I even am studying? I tried to open up to them but they said, "We are middle-class people, we don't have time for your filmy talk, we just care about your education and we need to work to earn, you should have been thoughtful." Heck, I just asked them if they knew what my favorite color was. My Dad jokingly says that he'll hit my mom, calls her fat, I tell him not to do it and he says, "Why are you taking your Mom's side?" Brown people never understand and I don't ask them to. I cover myself with a scarf everyday just because I want to but they say that you lose weight and everything will get better, trust me it doesn't. I feel people's gazes on me even when I'm alone without a scarf, I feel as if they're judging me. Brown people never understand anything and I don't ask them to.